hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
