I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
