What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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