It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
