just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
