You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
