It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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