Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Pooping to opera.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
