I wannas sexs uuuuu
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
