SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
