i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
