Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
its liver damage thursday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
