a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
