Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Nicole vs. Life
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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