Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
