Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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