Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
