I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
