I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
