Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
