She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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