My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
40s are totally the cure
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
