I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
