Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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