There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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