not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
