I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
