i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
