I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
