so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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