dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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