Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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