I got chris browned last night
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
