I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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