Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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