Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
