I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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