How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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