Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
