I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
