he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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