is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
