i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
