I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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