I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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