I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
