You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
