no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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