Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
