No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
