If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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